Extreme Home Makeover: Cherry’s Room Edition

In the midst of pestilence and disease, I made over Cherry’s bedroom. New paint, curtains, light fixture. I pulled up the Berber and painted the concrete slab a glossy chocolate. The thing about painted concrete, besides the fact that it’s cheap and trendy, is it has to cure. Six days. You paint yourself out of the room and close the door. Or not. I couldn’t resist a peek. Or two.

Day four, I’m checking the sweaty surface. Will it ever dry? The seventy percent humidity isn’t helping. The phone rings. I turn my back for a millisecond. Talk. Hang up.

“Jasmine? Jazzy?” Where’s the puppy? ”Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit . . .”

She’s yaps from the middle of the shiny floor. “You can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread Schnauzer.” Dance. Dance. Dance. Puppy paws on concrete.

Smack. Smack. Smack. “Shit.” The sound of black flip-flops on wet paint. “Jazzy, come. Jasmine, come.”

“Let’s dance, mom.”

“Damn it. Jazzy come.” She bounces. I stick. Her little feet float above the surface. Weighing less than three pounds is an advantage when walking on wet paint. She doesn’t dent the surface. My BMI leaves size seven footprints. ”Gotcha.” I grab the little rat and deposit my shoes in the trash.

On day four, the floor the gets another coat. Hence I live with the expression, watching paint dry.


It isn’t Louis Vuitton

But, if you’re schlepping your belongings in a minivan, along with two kids, a dog, and a pop-up trailer that isn’t big enough for the five of you, see-through luggage is recommended.


Baseball, Banking, Bicycles, and Batter

•If Goldman Sachs was a baseball player instead of a bank, would it/he be banned from the Hall of Fame?

•Overheard in  Subway Sandwiches:

I can’t. The bicycle is in the freezer.

You left the bicycle in the freezer?

Where else am I going to park it?

At least it isn’t a motorcycle.

•I saw these at the grocery store the other day. Spray pancakes.

Just when I was finally getting over Easy Cheese.


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