Day four, I’m checking the sweaty surface. Will it ever dry? The seventy percent humidity isn’t helping. The phone rings. I turn my back for a millisecond. Talk. Hang up.

“Jasmine? Jazzy?” Where’s the puppy? ”Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit . . .”

She’s yaps from the middle of the shiny floor. “You can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread Schnauzer.” Dance. Dance. Dance. Puppy paws on concrete.

Smack. Smack. Smack. “Shit.” The sound of black flip-flops on wet paint. “Jazzy, come. Jasmine, come.”

“Let’s dance, mom.”

“Damn it. Jazzy come.” She bounces. I stick. Her little feet float above the surface. Weighing less than three pounds is an advantage when walking on wet paint. She doesn’t dent the surface. My BMI leaves size seven footprints. ”Gotcha.” I grab the little rat and deposit my shoes in the trash.

On day four, the floor the gets another coat. Hence I live with the expression, watching paint dry.

But, if you’re schlepping your belongings in a minivan, along with two kids, a dog, and a pop-up trailer that isn’t big enough for the five of you, see-through luggage is recommended.

•Overheard in  Subway Sandwiches:

I can’t. The bicycle is in the freezer.

You left the bicycle in the freezer?

Where else am I going to park it?

At least it isn’t a motorcycle.

•I saw these at the grocery store the other day. Spray pancakes.

Just when I was finally getting over Easy Cheese.

Stephen Elliott has a book promotion idea that sounds like the beginning of a new book. He traveled to out of the way locales to do readings in front of not-so-literary audiences, crashing on sofas and eating cupcakes. His book tour on-the-cheap isn’t for me, but I loved reading about it.”The D.I.Y. Book Tour.”

Agent Nathan Bransford has guest bloggers this week. This post by Myrlin A. Hermes is terrific. “How To Make a Book Trailer.”

Also, from the same blog post–royalty free music for short movies and book trailers. The best thing about the site, besides the price, is you can plug in the emotions you want to evoke, (humorous, heroic, horror) and the index will match the music for you. Sort of like a database for background music. Very, very cool.

If you haven’t seen this yet, go there now. Nicolas Cage’s face superimposed on Frida Kahlo and King Kong is worth a laugh, definitely.

But we do eat yogurt, and not just any yogurt. Every week I clip coupons, so we can pay for the pricey stuff. With flavors like Apple Turnover, Key Lime Pie, and White Chocolate Raspberry, it’s our not-so-secret indulgence. I started out buying half a dozen, but that was never enough. Arguments ensued.

“You took the last Banana Creme Pie.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“That junk tastes like Laughy-Taffy.”

“Better than pink snowflake or whatever you call it.”

“Strawberry Cheesecake or Very Cherry.”

“Whatever. You ate the Banana Cream Pie.”

“I already told you. I don’t like Banana.”

“Then who ate it?”

“Bacon?”

“He likes Blueberry Patch.”

“No, he likes . . . “

“Everything.”

Now, the cart is full. Entire grocery bags of individual containers enter our house weekly. I can’t buy a case because they only come in generic strawberry and peach. Most households have a refrigerator shelf dedicated to soft drinks or beer. The middle shelf of our Kenmore is home to dozens of cone-shaped plastic containers with foil lids. We can’t get enough of the stuff.

Check for Spam

Author Comment In Response To

CHLOE28

Submitted on 2009/12/27 at 3:17pm

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This comment was in my spam folder. It’s ironic because the book I’m working on is about intellectual piracy, specifically about a stolen Masters’ Thesis. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve written about the issue before, but the comment appears after the post Less Than Zero about an idiot I saw riding a motorcycle. It’s fairly obvious the poster is not an English speaker, “Get the good grades coming that great way.” The sentence is alliterative, at least.