Plots From the Spam Filter

Tips for Texting a Girl wrote:

Just walk into your local book store or grocery store and see how many romance novels are on the shelves. Some girls will not want you to know that they are finding it tough after a break up and will put on a brave facade to not let you know how much they are hurting. She may even contact you before you get in touch with her.

Honest to gosh, I copied and pasted the words above directly from Akismet. Unlike most of my spam, it’s almost coherent. It’s punctuated. It uses verb tenses correctly. And that last line, “She may even contact you before you get in touch with her,” shows empathy. It’s conspiratorial. Winking.

I see him in the bookstore, hiding like a creep in the stacks of Romance, spying on the lovelorn ingénue, waiting for his big chance to offer her a personal-sized pack of Kleenex. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Do you read Nora Roberts? Here’s my number. Call me, maybe?”


He stalks her in Fantasy and Science Fiction. At the precise moment she turns a corner, he blocks her path. Hulk green and drooling. “Do you wanna dance, Baby?” Spittle litters the napless carpet. She runs away, cowering between the blank books and the greeting cards.FullSizeRender


She sees him in Children’s, legs folded criss-cross applesauce, reading Winnie-the-Pooh aloud to no one in particular. She sighs. “He’s the Piglet to my Pooh.”

It’s love at first sight.

Time Out



How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. —Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

I’ve blogged 72 days in a row. Since February 1, I’ve hovered over my keyboard asking God for something important or whimsical or, at least, new to say. He’s answered my prayers for the most part.

This week, I’m taking a break. I hope you’ll come back next Tuesday to see if He’s whispered anything else in my ear.

Until then, Happy Spring!

Rearview Mirror for 4/12/2015

A linear recap of the past week’s thoughts and events.

Sunday: Easter Sunday. Chocolate bunnies were consumed.

Monday: Coco visited the orthodontist. Cherry sang in a choir concert. I drove the car.

Tuesday:  Joan Didion and I have the same opinion.

Wednesday: I met a friend for coffee. Chocolate croissants were consumed.

Thursday: I pinned this truth on Pinterest.

Friday: Cherry swims before school. It’s up to me to pick her up at the pool and get her to first period Biology before the tardy bell. It’s usually not a problem, except for the monsoon that hit San Antonio between 7:40 and 8:15 a.m. Oh, one more thing. Rush hour traffic.

Saturday: I read a book and cleaned two swimming pools. Must sleep.