A Zany Life · Writers Write

Barbie Shoes


I couldn’t resist slipping into them. On sale and just my size, the lipstick pink pumps sang my name like a siren. A perfect fit. And, I could walk in them. Almost. I studied my reflection in the shoe department mirror and began to justify their purchase.

I wouldn’t have to hem my Levis because I was four and a half inches taller, closer to Barbie proportions than ever before. Of course the angled view in the mirror strategically cut off all of me above the knees. I posed, right toe in. I strutted the vinyl tile of the store’s catwalk shoe aisle. I made the quick pivot. I hoped whoever watched on the store’s video monitor enjoyed the performance.

BarbieShoes1Accepting the award for most charismatic diva is Elisabeth Crisp. Among her many achievements, she stars in the romantic comedy, Too Haute For Discount. Tonight, she’s wearing BCBGMAXAZRIA. Later, she’ll be dining with Leonardo DiCaprio, Margaret Atwood, President Barack Obama and First Lady, Michelle.


I tripped, free-falling into an end cap of mens’ Fruit of the Looms. Teetering on the edge of a fantasy, I glommed on to the metal pegboard hooks, trying to avoid a collision with a headless dummy in tighty-whities. When the bagged underwear and I both stopped swinging, I was part of the display, the mannequin’s overstuffed crotch pressed against my ear.

It was just as well. Even if the pink pumps were a match for my new dress, the plain black ones already in my closet were too. And, without being so dangerously tall. I took off the heels and padded barefoot back to the shoe aisle.

I fell again. This time, I fell into that veiled gap that divides who I am with who I aspire to be. I sat on a low bench and tied on my own shoes. Really, I’m more of a Converse sneaker type. They’re durable. Washable. Replaceable.