Crisp @ Random
30 Mar 2008 Leave a Comment
in A Zany Life, Mouths of Babes, Writers Write
The Florida Marlin’s baseball team has hired a group of plus-sized male cheerleaders, the Manatees. It’s a gimmick, but I can’t imagine a group using large women as cheerleaders. Why is this acceptable for an obese man, but not for a woman of similar stature? Bacon called it, fatsploitation. It begs the question: are fat men sexier than fat women? This bothers me on so many levels. I hope they have a heart defibrillator in the Marlin’s First Aid kit. One of these guys is bound to need it before the end of the season.
Read about the Manatees here in the LA Times:
We have a new F word at our house. Today, Coco’s sentence of choice is, “It’s not FAIR.” This is always in reference to something Cherry has that Coco wants. In the middle of the best time, I hear that word sneak into the manipulation. Sorry, I meant to say conversation.
Another word play I’m hearing has to do with double negatives. Specifically, substituting no for any as in “We don’t have no ice cream.” I may have gone overboard on this. The girls corrected the villain on Strawberry Shortcake. (He was trying to steal Honey Pie, the horse.) At least, Strawberry said it correctly.
Bacon saw what he thought was a coral snake at our park today. What is it with guys? If they see a predator, they think it’s their duty to kill it.
The backstory is that Bacon is pathologically afraid of snakes. Never mind that he’s huge. At 6’7” not much scares him, except snakes. I’m talking BAD DREAM afraid.
Anyway. . . He remembered the snake safety rhyme that Cherry learned at school. “Red and yellow, kill a fellow; red and black, venom lack.” This snake fit the red and yellow part. As Bacon stood contemplating whether to stomp it to death or to throw a big rock at it, the snake slithered away. Bacon came home from the park and googled coral snakes. Both Cherry and Coco said, “Cool, a snake.” All I could think was, “Dude, just walk away.”
We’ll see what happens tonight when his subconscious kicks into REM mode.
On my quilt collage, I gave Annie new eyes. It’s funny how a little thing makes a difference. When it comes to writing this book, I’m eating the elephant one bite at a time.
Life Imitates Art
27 Mar 2008 2 Comments
I’m working. Bacon went back to his temporary (but wants it to be permanent) job today. The girls are in school. I had house guests all last week. Now, I have the house to myself, and I’m bursting to write. I’m posting two links that really hit me. The first fits in the believe it or not category. A middle school principal threatened to kill (that’s what the police documents say) his 8th grade science teachers if they didn’t raise test scores. The antagonist in my current Work in Progress (WIP) is a school administrator gone bananas. Every time I talk about this plot line, listeners give me the that could never happen look. Here it is: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/metro/stories/MYSA032608.nbprincipal.EN.22ebced.html I loved the quote, “You don’t know how ruthless I can be.” The second link is a short film called George Lucas In Love found here: http://digg.com/lbv.php?id=5050171&ord=0 My big brother sent me this link. It’s fabulous. Inspiration is all around us.
Bunny Day with Birthday Bash
24 Mar 2008 Leave a Comment
in A Zany Life, Joined at the Heart
I’m posting photos today. In our little Crispy-Critter family, we have a few interesting traditions. Sunday allowed us to combine them. So… here is a little tradition soup for Monday morning. Whenever we can, we eat birthday cake for breakfast. It takes the worry out of the day. No matter what else happens on your birthday, you’ll have a good day because you’ve already had your cake. 
Bacon got help blowing out his candles from Coco and Cherry. The picture is out of focus because it’s 8:00 a.m. I haven’t had coffee yet, and the digital camera is set to portrait mode by accident. Our big Easter event has to do with crushing cascarones (confetti filled hollowed eggshells) on each other’s heads. 
Here are my little loves with cascarone hair. It is a badge of honor to get crunched on Easter morning. Although we do this outside, I’m still picking debris out of the carpet. After the ritual egging, we go back inside to decorate our breakfast. 
Egg decorating entails drawing smileys on hard boiled eggs with markers (non-toxic, of course). Afterwards, we peel and eat the masterpiece. 
I hope you had a fabulous holiday and celebrated with a few traditions of your own.
Bacon’s Birthday List
19 Mar 2008 2 Comments
Sunday is Bacon’s birthday. I heard the girls ask him what he wanted. I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation, but since then, Coco has been carrying around this list rolled up like a scroll.
Here is the translation:
BaBa
1. fishing pole
2. bigger fish hooks
3. moose shirt
4. new tennis shoes
5. candy
6. flowers
7. cup like mama’s coffee cup with a lid
8. cashews
9. pecan candy
10. trip to Disney World
11. (It’s blank for some reason.)
12. 6 weeks (I have no idea what this means.)
13. hog hunting (Who knows? We don’t own guns.)
14. a years supply of bird food
15. clear vision to bless my family
16. car that gets 40 miles per gallon
70 (I think she meant 17 but Coco tends to confuse her numbers)
Holy Ghost Creek Campground trip
When I heard bits and pieces of this conversation, Bacon told the girls he wanted a new Jeep. In Coco’s good judgement, she left that request off the list. Maybe that’s why #11 is blank.
We Can’t All Be Acupuncturists Or Why I Haven’t Blogged This Week
16 Mar 2008 Leave a Comment
I hurt my arm opening a window.
Coco was sick and stayed home from school on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, with the house to myself, I was ready to write. It was a wonderful morning. I wanted to hear the birds sing, so I reached around my desk and pulled open the window. Instead of writing, I’ve been unable to type for most of a week. I did this by opening a stuck window. When it happened, I didn’t think about how tight my arm felt, but by Thursday morning, I couldn’t think of anything else.
I’ve been to Dr. Chang before. His office isn’t far from our house. We discovered it several years ago when Bacon had a bike wreck. The regular doctor X-rayed Bacon’s ribs and loaded him with pain meds that didn’t work. After the third day of screeching pain, sticking pins in his back didn’t sound like such a bad idea.
This was my second experience. The first time, I had a fight with a flower pot. What’s the deal with me and household objects?
When Dr. Chang examined me this week, he took a red Marksalot marker and said, “Where it hurt? You show me. Here?” He pointed to a spot on my shoulder. “Or here?”
I pointed, and he marked a big X on the spot. It would have been easier to tell him where I didn’t hurt. I hurt everywhere.
The first treatment was heaven–relief. The second treatment was agony. It came with a price–electronic stimulation. Dr. Chang jolted electricity through the needles until my muscles bounced.
“You feel that?”
“Uhhh.” I can’t talk at this point.
“That?” His voice was louder.
I grunted something that meant yes.
“No work if you don’t feel it.” He spoke like I couldn’t understand English.
I don’t want to sound patronizing. Dr. Chang speaks English much better than I speak Chinese. And hey, acupuncture works. I’m a repeat customer. It beats loading up on Percocet or Vicodin.
I wish I could say I’m good as new, but that’s not exactly right. I can say that after a visit to Dr. Chang’s, I’ve done something to make the hurt go away. It’s better than facing the M.D.’s pathetic look before she admonishes me for wasting her time.
I met a lady in the waiting room today that was a virgin, a first time acupuncture patient. She was apprehensive, so I gave her the drill about what to expect. I didn’t sugarcoat it. She thanked me, and went in anyway. When it hurts, you’re willing to try almost anything.
Here are five things I’ve learned at the acupuncturist:
1. It’s hard to make my kids understand why Dr. Chang gets to mark all over Mama with a red magic marker. (We have a No Writing On Our Bodies rule at our house.)
2. Pray the acupuncturist doesn’t argue with his wife while you’re on the table. Trust me on this one.
3. It hurts less to have acupuncture needles in your ears than you think it will.
4. Keep your eyes closed. The visual is worse than the tactile.
5. It’s hard to scratch your nose when your hand looks like a porcupine.
In Disney’s movie, Mulan, one ancestor says to another, “We can’t all be acupuncturists.” It’s a line frequently delivered out of context at our house.
crisp |krisp| adjective
