Aha! · Writers Write

Hot Buttered Coffee


Have you heard of buttered coffee? It’s supposed to make you lose weight, be more productive, get a bigger…ah…caffeine buzz. Most of the hype comes from self-described biohacker, Dave Asprey, inventor of coffee he calls, bulletproof.

It sounds like snake oil to me. Buy these expensive beans and blend them with expensive butter and a type of fat that can only be identified as an acronym. It reminds me of Kopi Luwak, the brew Jack Nicholson drank in the movie, The Bucket List. Remember the iconic scene about the drink made from beans pooped out by an Asian palm civet?

Still. What if it’s the real deal?

I brew a cup of decaf in my trusty Mr. Coffee. I delve into my stash of butter, stored in the back of the freezer for chocolate chip cookie emergencies. The hot coffee and the cold butter meet in my smoothy maker. Blending delivers a velvety texture. Seconds later, the mixture brims my Curious George coffee mug. I lift the buttery foam to my lips. It tastes…oily.

Drawn butter on lobster is delicious, but buttered coffee feels like I’m drinking from an oil slick. Definitely. My lips have slip factor.